Complain & Explain

I never used to be a complainer. Much more of a “don’t make a fuss” or “that’s ok” or “just get on with it” or “never mind” kind of person. Even now, I struggle to make a fuss even when I’m more than entitled to. This is one of the areas of my life I’ve seen huge change and growth over the last few years. I/we have found ourselves in many a situation where we have been on the receiving end of discrimination, prejudice, rudeness and ignorance. It has always made me so incredibly angry and full of rage, but also at myself for not taking action and standing up for ourselves. Instead, just getting on with it and punishing myself for it after in a self-deprecating way. It’s one of the ways that I would berate myself for not being a good enough mother because I didn’t defend my son enough when he needed me to. Too shy or scared to know how to deal with it.

In the last few years, as I’ve grown more confident, more accepting and more experienced as a Mum with my gang, I’ve also become much stronger and able to defend when needed. To stand up for anyone, but especially Oscar. No other situation brings out the mother lion in me more.

I actually argue and complain quite a lot now - just ask Paul 😂😂 (I’m kidding) and I think I might be quite good at it 🤣 I cannot stand injustice in anyway and find myself often responding now to it when I experience it, not just for ourselves but for others too.

I’ve realised that if I don’t say anything, if I don’t stand up and use my voice to defend my son and the incredible community we are part of, I’m not teaching him how to do that for himself. I’m not leading from the front and I’m also complaining about things that need my voice and many, many others, to change. If I don’t take action, things may never improve or change for the better.

So, I complain and then I explain.

I try to remove the emotion from my complaint (MUCH easier said than done) and explain clearly what the issue has been. I then offer my assistance in helping this person/business/organisation to overcome this problem with support directly from someone who has had a terrible experience. That way, I feel I am offering to do something to help and improve things and not just being angry. There is substance in what you have to say and in the experiences you have; good and bad.

If I know one thing the last 11 years has taught me, it’s that I am THE best advocate for my son. I don’t expect anyone else to fight for him the way my husband and I do and it’s the thing that I finally know I’m good at, best at and totally passionate about.

Use your voice, don’t be afraid to stand up and speak out. You aren’t whinging - even if ‘they’ say you are. You are defending someone who is less able to defend themselves and you are also showing them the way.

I’ve sent 3 shit-o-grams (as I refer to them!) this week and I feel so empowered by it;

1. Our local authority regarding transition and my son’s EHCP

2. EasyJet

3. Our local theatre

Yes they were angry and emotive, despite my best efforts to remain calm and to the point, but that’s ok. It’s a passionate and emotive subject and when it comes to your family, especially your children, let that Mother Lion roar.

I’ll let you know how I get on….🦁

Have a wonderful week xx ✨💗